Burnout

Blackened wick chars the candle wax brain
Soot-stained skull and a snuffed-out flame
Smoke twists in towers, campfire eye strain
Matchstick burnout kindles the blame

Risky behavior

Teenagers engage in the riskiest behavior between 3 p.m. and 6 p.m., according to some study I heard about secondhand. I don't need to verify that information because I know it's true. Or at least it feels true.

My sister and I grew up in a single-parent household. Mom worked at least two jobs for as long as I can remember. We never went on food stamps, but times were lean.

In that three-hour window after school but before dinner, we played without adult supervision. We lit fireworks, stole candy and rode bikes across town, scamming for cash, thirsty for adventure in a working-class suburb, free from the aluminum-sided cage we called home, adrenalized by the gamble of getting caught without shackles.

We stayed out of jail and never burned the house down, so I guess that's a bonus.

United States of Fried Dough

Say the word "doughnut," and my toddler goes wild.

My 3-year-old son morphed into a doughnut connoisseur early in life. Our favorite place is Pao's Donuts on 6th Avenue near Mildred Street in Tacoma. For $5, we can score a huge fresh doughnut for each member of the family, plus a bag of glazed doughnut holes.

Today, my son and I ventured out to Pao's in our pajamas, shoes and jackets. He sat on the counter as the woman with the tongs interpreted his pointing finger and correctly bagged a chocolate long john. He also asked to hold the doughnuts while I paid. Remember, folks: Doughnuts are a big deal.

Once in the car, he wanted to hold the bag of doughnut holes for the ride home. Anytime the boy hums while eating, I know he is content like a purring cat.

On this rainy Sunday morning, my buddy's quiet but sustained humming helps keep the car a little warmer.

Beer belly blues

To reduce my burgeoning beer belly, I cut my weekly beer consumption in half. After three weeks, I am pleased with the results.

My clothes fit just a bit better, I sleep more soundly, and I have more energy in the mornings. Not a bad tradeoff! A few nights a week, I will still enjoy a frosty mug of microbrew - IPAs and imperial stouts especially. But it seemed like the nightly brew was adding up to inches on my waste.

Speaking of beers, I will list some favorite microbrews, in no particular order:

- No-Li Brewing (Spokane) Wrecking Ball imperial stout
- Ninkasi (Eugene, Ore.) Tricerahops double IPA
- 7 Seas Brewing (Gig Harbor) Balls Deep IPA
- Irish Death (Ellensburg, WA) scotch ale
- Full Sail (Hood River, Ore.): all products, but especially the bourbon barrel porter
- Wingman Brewing (Tacoma) imperial porter
- Alaskan Brewing, Hop Thermia double IPA
- Sierra Nevada, Narwhal imperial stout
- Epic (Utah), imperial pumpkin porter
- 21st Amendment (San Francisco) Fireside Chat
- Anderson Valley (Mendocino, Calif.) Hop Ottin IPA

Comic sex novel

Anything by author Nicholson Baker is a guilty pleasure. In my hopper is "House of Holes," which bills itself as "a book of raunch." His vocabulary for sex slang is impressive with laugh-out-loud names like peeny wanger.

It's porn sold as literature.

I knew what I was getting into with Nicholson after reading "The Fermata," where the protagonist freezes time and fondles women. This power puts him in control but also spins him out of control. In one memorable (ahem) scene, he stops the flow of time and climbs into the backseat of an attractive woman's car. He records himself reading the dirtiest story he's ever written, inserts the cassette into the car stereo, returns to his car on the freeway and releases time to normal flow. He follows behind until the woman tosses the cassette out the window.

"House of Holes" strives for that alternate reality with plenty of sucking and fucking. Ordinary people crawl into a certain dryer at the laundromat and come out naked in a new land, ready for no-nonsense log jamming, and usually, some freaky jaw-dropping sexcapades that would cause any campus stud or slut to blush.

I have been chewing on "House of Holes" in small doses. They are indulgent servings of campy lust with a slap of science fiction.

Sleep solution

We get 24 hours in a day. Eight of those hours usually go toward a job, and most of us work hard at our jobs. Another eight hours (or less) go toward sleep, and another eight hours (or more) belong to everything and everyone else.

We work hard at our jobs and lives. Do we work hard at our sleep?

I had been averaging six hours of sleep a night for who knows how long. I am making an effort to hit the sack earlier.  On most nights, I average eight hours of sleep a night. Over the course of two weeks, that's a gain of 28 hours of rest - worth three and a half extra nights of sleep.

Consider the toddler who takes a 1.5-hour nap every day. That nap makes a difference, and I know what my toddler is like when he skips the nap. As the day shifts into the evening, he grows more irritable and more defiant. The changes are subtle, but that short nap recharges him enough to finish the day and wind down with the rest of us.

Over the past month, I have noticed subtle changes in my physical and mental health. I rise much easier in the morning, and those mid-afternoon drowsy spells are gone. My inner plumbing (ahem) seems more "efficient." I wonder if that is linked to being more in sync with the so-called circadian rhythm. As the sun rises, it stimulates a hormone inside our bodies that triggers the intestines into action. By going to bed earlier, and logging more sleep before sunrise, I am more in tune with this natural cycle.